I never know what I'm going to write about on this blog. Where everywhere else I write is typically pre-planned, it is the complete opposite here. I never really do any research either, beyond a little fact checking every once in awhile when that tiny bit of doubt nags the back of my brain, like a game of Tug of War, yanking on my cerebral cortex. I just wait until inspiration slaps me upside my head and provides me with a topic to play with. Then I sit down and let my fingers do as they please, which, when you think about it, could be kind creepy, or erotic, depending on which ledge your mind sits on. Anyway, as I was on my way to pick up the Ogre Spawn (aka Pea, aka Elora, aka my daughter) from school, I got to thinking about her upbringing and what kind of an adult she may turn out to be.
Wait a minute, before I go any further, let me spill a few facts first. While I'm sure the ten of you who read this blog are already aware of all of this, there may still be one or two folks who pop in and don't know about the current state of Ogre Nation, Population: 2. I'm a 36 year old, single Dad of an 8 year old girl. I've been raising her full time - for the most part - for the last two years or so. My daughter (Pea, a nickname I've called her since birth) goes to see her mother on the weekends. I have a fabulous relationship with my ex and we confer about the pertinent things that parents need to...um...confer about. But I have Pea the majority of the time, so I impact a lot of the things that shape the little creature she is and the (hopefully) fabulous adult she'll blossom in to. This single responsibility is by far the most stressful and scary undertaking I have ever stepped in to.
As I was saying, I was on my way to pick her up from school when I started thinking about how being raised by a geeky single guy, who embraces randomness like the lips of a crackhead embraces a glass pipe, is affecting (or is it infecting?) her impressionable young mind. I'm not the stereotypical Dad. I prefer to keep things lighthearted and fun. If there isn't laughter or smiles, there's a problem. Our discussions always branch off into the odd or far-fetched, no matter how serious they are. The off-beat, the wacky, the nonsensical, the imaginative, those are all anchor points for me. (This has rubbed off on her at least a little bit. We are talking about a kid who recently managed to infuse my love of bacon with her Social Studies assignment, a Power Point presentation on the Statue of Liberty.) Video games, comic books, super heroes, Dungeons and Dragons, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Buffy, zombies, Sherlock Homes, Back to the Future, Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, Lost Boys, The Crow, cartoons (Disney or otherwise), Pretty in Pink, Sixteen Candles, Ferris Bueller...basically anything science, horror, fantasy, or 80's related grabs my attention immediately. I'm a tech geek and I love it in all its forms, from computery goodies to entertainment devices to intelligent home appliances and more. I would rather shop at Fry's Electronics than Cabela's. Take me to a big box store like Walmart or Target and I gravitate toward the electronics or toy sections over home furnishings or clothing. I like to play with toys, color, finger paint, etc... Basically, I'm a big child. However, I'm not that one dimensional. As a fan of movies and music as a whole, I love a vast range of genres, spanning kid movies and chick flicks to heavy metal and country. I spent ten years in the construction industry and can handle a large majority of my home improvements. I can work on cars, although I prefer not to do more than the basics these days simply because newer cars are incredibly complex compared to the way they were when I was younger. The tool corral at Home Depot, Lowes and Sears is just as much of a toy store for me as Fry's Electronics is. Being raised by a single woman gave me a crash course in home economics for my formidable years, so I can clean house, do laundry, cook, so on and so forth.
But am I missing something? Is there a crucial component that I'm not teaching Pea? There are things that I just can't do. Trust me, I've tried. Painting fingernails, doing her hair, shopping for her clothes, and other typically female activities, I am terrible with. When I realized she was beginning to...how should I put this....journey into womanhood? Physically develop? Whatever, you get the point. Anyway, when I realized that and had to go get her first bras, I was dumbstruck. Anybody who was watching my Twitter feed that day saw my terror and feebleness oozing through the web like some sort of viscous blob. And then, I figured I had best have "the talk" with her. You know, explaining what to expect since she's heading down that path and could end up beginning her monthly cycle at any point. Thus, like a dutiful parent, I made the attempt at discussing it. I think I scarred her for life. Especially when she began asking questions that I had no fucking clue how to answer. Let me just say this now: I never felt more inept as a parent as I did that day.
How much of me is actually being absorbed by her? I'm a firm believer that we are, to a certain degree at least, a product of our environment. The people we surround ourselves with influence us, either directly or indirectly. At the same time, Pea seems to only pick up some of my traits. There's quite a few things that I like that she doesn't care for. She prefers pop music only (with a few exceptions). She likes video games, but only certain franchises/genres. The same can be said for her taste in movies. She has no desire to pick up a tool or do any handy work around the house, but she loves to cook with me. Even if you were to draw similarities between her and I, she is still very much her own person. Which makes it a delicate jaunt across a tightrope, as at the same time I want to nurture her individuality, I also want to broaden her mind. I want to teach her to appreciate many different tastes, genres, interests, and so on. Make her well rounded without sacrificing what makes her unique.
Again though, I'm always plagued with doubt. That ball of fiery concern that is constantly burning a hole in my psyche with the worry that I am failing her in some fashion or another. While it's all well and good that I can have fun with just about anything, and I can deal with a lot of stuff without morphing into Mr. Serious, but am I really setting the right examples? Is she learning the life skills she needs as she begins to look out at the world? There will come a point, probably sooner rather than later, where I won't be the center of her universe anymore. Am I prepping her properly for that? I have varied tastes, have been around the block many times, and have a vast skill set. But, I know there are lots of things that I'm clueless about. Are any of those things crucial to child rearing? Am I inadvertently handicapping her because of my ignorance? I've been told many times that I'm not the "typical" parent. While there is plenty of good to be gleaned from that, is it a detriment too? Are there key components that I'm missing because I don't always follow the traditional parenting methods? Also, as I said, she does see her Mom on the weekends, which is great, but does she need more than that in terms of a female role model or having that feminine touch in her life? If I find work that takes me out of state, Pea is coming with me, which will only make that aspect an even bigger challenge.
For all my worries though, I try not to dwell on it too much. I mean, it's natural, right? These miniature humanoids we create don't arrive with an instruction manual or a nifty PDF doc to guide us along the way. There's no reference guide and no support desk where some foreign fellow is sitting there, awaiting my call with his broken English and uber-thick accent. And we don't have that little 'Help' button we can click on either. Even though we take in as much advice as we can, when it comes down to it, we are winging it from beginning to end. There's several caveats that I adhere to and all I can do is hope that those core assets are enough. I let her learn via hands-on experience, and I let her fail, even when I know she will fail ahead of time. I try to let her forge her own definition of right and wrong, letting acceptance and respect for individuality provide the boundaries. Honesty, integrity, respect, responsibility, courage, humility, looking outside the box, multilateral thinking and the age-old "Golden Rule" are all paramount in my book, and I want her to value them as much as I do. If I can succeed in providing those basics as her foundation, then any house she builds as she ventures into adulthood will weather the test of time. And as a parent, I really can't ask for much more than that, can I?
No comments:
Post a Comment